I feel destroyed

[Black Panther]

I'm not kidding.
Today the worst sentence that could be said to a mum was said to me.
My kid... she told me, that she wished I wasn't her mum at all because she didn't like me. She's only 7 yet she spoke those words.
I cried. Seeing me crying she shrugged her shoulders and said "so what?" and gave me her back. I'm totally crushed and feel like the whole world fell on top of me, can't help it.
Lately she's always been wanting to spend days and nights with my own mum. I started realising stuff, she never comes to me for hugs, it's always me who tries to show her love... she's as cold as I don't know what to me... heck I dunno why???
She behaves with my parents, she does her homework and obeys even though they're strict... she never does with us.
I'm still crying like I never did before now... am I such an awful mother?? O tried to post some pictures here and read and try to forget... drank a whole bottle of wine... it didn't work... I wish I had a bottle of vodka... I wish I didn't know how to swim... that way I'd jump in the sea across the road and then surely forget it all

[mtosev]

go with her to a child psihologist.

[momentomoir]

thats normal to be honest but talk with her ask her why she said that what did u do wrong

[T3hPwn3r3r]

Eh, all kids say that. Hell, I say that about my parents. I'm 19 and they still run my life.

Deep down I love them more than anything though, even though they're psychopathic, fearmongering control freaks.

I'm sure the same is with your daughter.

[El Fiendo]

I'm still crying like I never did before now... am I such an awful mother?? O tried to post some pictures here and read and try to forget... drank a whole bottle of wine... it didn't work... I wish I had a bottle of vodka... I wish I didn't know how to swim... that way I'd jump in the sea across the road and then surely forget it all

Well, doing this would make you a pretty bad mom. :p

But in seriousness:

She behaves with my parents, she does her homework and obeys even though they're strict... she never does with us.

Says more than you'd think. Children do respond to discipline, and it drives me insane the way that society is thinking kids shouldn't be at all. Now that doesn't mean go hog wild, because right now that will make the situation worse. But it could be that she doesn't respect you because you've set her no boundaries and thus she doesn't see you as authority. Definitely sit down with her and talk with her about it. Let her know that you want to be a good mother and a friend and that you'd like to do your best to fix this. Tackle it now while she's young and willing to bend in her ways. A teen wouldn't allow you any leeway, she may still.

Past that, sit down with your mom and share your concerns. She may not even realize it, but could be undermining you as a mother. For instance, reinforcing 'whose your favorite', or 'well you can do that while you're with me' would lead to this. I don't know how they are with kids so I can't say anything for certain here.

Obviously I'm no expert, so I can only offer suggestions. Sleep on it tonight (if possible) and start tomorrow. You want to get on this immediately.


Eh, all kids say that. Hell, I say that about my parents. I'm 19 and they still run my life.
Deep down I love them more than anything though, even though they're psychopathic, fearmongering control freaks.
I'm sure the same is with your daughter.

She's 7. I'd be shocked if she's already started the 'being a dick just because' years. I know, I ran through them myself even after being 'the model child' like BP's kid is with her grand parents.

[momentomoir]

She behaves with my parents, she does her homework and obeys even though they're strict... she never does with us.


Heres another thing to look at parents and kids are natural enemys and naturally kids befriend there grandparents bc they are there parents enemy

im not sure iif looking at it that way makes you feel any better but it might help

[WhiteLotus]

She is just being a child. When you've gone she will realise that she needs you.

[dr emulator (madmax)]

I'm not kidding.
Today the worst sentence that could be said to a mum was said to me.
My kid... she told me, that she wished I wasn't her mum at all because she didn't like me. She's only 7 yet she spoke those words.
I cried. Seeing me crying she shrugged her shoulders and said "so what?" and gave me her back. I'm totally crushed and feel like the whole world fell on top of me, can't help it.
Lately she's always been wanting to spend days and nights with my own mum. I started realising stuff, she never comes to me for hugs, it's always me who tries to show her love... she's as cold as I don't know what to me... heck I dunno why???
She behaves with my parents, she does her homework and obeys even though they're strict... she never does with us.
I'm still crying like I never did before now... am I such an awful mother?? O tried to post some pictures here and read and try to forget... drank a whole bottle of wine... it didn't work... I wish I had a bottle of vodka... I wish I didn't know how to swim... that way I'd jump in the sea across the road and then surely forget it all

drinking in my opinion will make you feel more depressed tommorow
(trust me i know) but i wouldn't let what she said get you down to much, kids can be ungratefull little devils sometimes and have a tongue made of acid.
hey just remind her who buys her christmas presents (not in a horrible way) then leave the room she's in (that'll give her time to ponder over what you said)if she ask's about why you said it just change the subject ,that'll freak her out :D

[FordGT90Concept]

Past that, sit down with your mom and share your concerns. She may not even realize it, but could be undermining you as a mother. For instance, reinforcing 'whose your favorite', or 'well you can do that while you're with me' would lead to this. I don't know how they are with kids so I can't say anything for certain here.
My thoughts exactly.


Edit: What was the situation that caused her to react like that? Did you tell her to do something she didn't want to do or was it out of the blue?

[Xazax]

I was the same way with my dad around that age, i didnt like he wasnt ever a present figure in my life even though my dad and mom where together at the time and me and my whole family lived to together he never spent any time with me(Im the youngest of 4 BTW)

I understand it can really hurt most of what the others said is the advice you should follow..

[DaMulta]

Little girls are evil!!!

PROOF!!!!
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/204716/1036488.jpg

http://www.definitivejux.net/files/u3/fire2.jpg

http://i99.photobucket.com/albums/l308/VtotheKizzle/lol/the_ring_tv.gif

[Steevo]

Beat her. Not really, but you are apparently a pushover, and don't hold her to standards.



I sent my son to bed last night without dinner, and I spanked him. He talked back like a little smartass, and didn't eat. So the decision was simple.


I am the adult.
I am the parent.
He is the child.
He is my son.



Who is in control? Me.
Who is not. him.
Who decides what is best? Me
Who follows direction/orders? Him.
Who is going to be punished if they are not followed? Him.



Today he was great and ate, listened and told me he loved me, gave me a hug & kiss and left with friends for a movie and to stay overnight. He was excided he got candy and a movie at the theater. he appriciated that there were rules and punishment to be had if they were broken, and fun to be had when they are followed.



Simply put, don't let her push you around. As Tina Turner said best, break a deal face the wheel. Make rules and enforce them with punishment that works for ths child, and don't take any lip from the child, if they give any take things they like away untill the learn to listen. Won't pick up toys or clean up after themselves? Start throwing toys away in the trash, really do it. When they get the idea that you are fucking serious they will straighten their shit up.

My niece didn't want to eat steak I had grilled, so I made her stand in the corner, toes touchign the wall, and palms on the wall straight above her head untill she either ate, or I got done eating. She tried crying, and I told her to be quiet or she would get a belt to her hide, and still have to stand there. She ate her steak, and actually liked it and was happy the rest of their trip here. Her parents just let her do whatever she wanted to avoid her little complaints.



Te last thing is that a 7 year old doesn't have feelings like you and I, they are more animalisic and haven't yet put how and why together yet, and most kids don't untill they have moved out and realise that mum and dad did alot for ther sorry worthless asses.

[Wile E]

Don't fret. Every child does this at some point BP. I have 3, and all 3 have done it numerous times. It's actually quite normal for a young child to feel very little remorse over such actions. They don't fully understand cause and effect yet.

Aside from that, I need more info on what was happening when she said this. Did you tell her to do something, and she refused? Something else perhaps? More background info needed.

Also, I agree with Steevo for once. lol.

[Black Panther]

Thanks guys I'm feeling much better today. My husband told me I was exagerating a bit and that I couldn't compare my daughter to myself at her own age because she's got a different character, she's kinda an assertive and "tough" kid...

What happened yesterday was a chain of events which made me break down at the end...
In the morning we had the school parents day, and when I spoke to her teacher she kept telling me how much better behaved and how much better her homework and schoolwork was when she spent the night over with my mum. She kept rubbing that in (the bitch!) telling me that by my child's behaviour she'd know whether she spent her night with my parents or with us! She kept telling me I was always tackling things the wrong way - for example that by insisting that she did all her homework even if it took her 4 hours I was being lenient, and that I should give her one hour and if she doesn't finish I don't let her do the rest of her homework at all. She might be right? But I'm not that convinced.

Then I went to a pc store (window-shopping) and took her with me. She saw a pink nintendoDS and "wanted it NOW".... lol as if I go around buying consoles every day.... I tried to explain that if she really wanted it, I would buy it to her as a present if her school performance improved, because a nintendo isn't just a packet of potato chips but an 'expensive' present. Well... out of the shop she sulked.. and you know the rest of the story.

Perhaps my husband is right - she's still a baby and I have to remind myself that.

PS Steevo, I've done the 'toys in trash' thing a couple of times myself too!

[MRCL]

Then I went to a pc store (window-shopping) and took her with me. She saw a pink nintendoDS and "wanted it NOW".... lol as if I go around buying consoles every day.... I tried to explain that if she really wanted it, I would buy it to her as a present if her school performance improved, because a nintendo isn't just a packet of potato chips but an 'expensive' present. Well... out of the shop she sulked.. and you know the rest of the story.

Perhaps my husband is right - she's still a baby and I have to remind myself that.

PS Steevo, I've done the 'toys in trash' thing a couple of times myself too!

DON'T buy that thing because you are feeling bad, remember that. Her reactions to your crying can be related to the fact that she didn't get what she wanted. And, as previously mentioned, she might not know what feelings she triggered within you.

At her age, I got mad at my dad for not buying me the Lego robot I wanted. Ge gave me something else, I don't remember what, and I told him upon opening the gift box, that I actually wanted the robot and ignored his other gift. I did not know I hurt his feelings until I was older and learned that words can harm. 15 years later and I still feel bad about that lol.

Steevo is absolutely right by the way. I highly doubt you're a bad mother, its just your kid thinks she's acting appropriately and doesn't (or can't yet) think about the consequences of such words.

And as last words: Almost any kids "hate" their parents if they don't buy him/her what he wants :p

[Black Panther]

Lol you can rest assured I'd never buy her a Nintendo... it looks like something which is supposed to be given free with a McD's happy meal... with a display monitor the size of my cellphone and not even half the resolution, duh (poop)

Edit: It's way overpriced from this particular store (http://www.scanmalta.com/eshop/nintendo-dsi-red-touch-screen-handheld-console-new.html)... €189 :eek:
If anything I'd prefer to get her a PSP... and only if she deserves it... ;)


Btw, I'm glad I posted this here. Been hesitating at first fearing I might be laughed at or something but I was impressed how you all shared your knowledge and experiences with kids with me. D, you didn't type much but your pics mean a million words :D lol kids 'give the finger' sometimes just because they see the gesture done by somebody else and don't really know what it means - and I seen that movie... guess it's The Ring?

Am really grateful guys. Helped me understand it's no big deal.
And made me feel all fuzzy, warm and loved.
Thanks :)

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

Im not a parent but i've been a child ...

You need to lay down the law and be fair and leave room for mistakes. Kids are smart, kids know that u and ur parents have friction and the enemy of my enemy is my friend and so on ... you'll figure it out :)

[Black Panther]

_FBi;14718']Im not a parent but i've been a child ...

You need to lay down the law and be fair and leave room for mistakes. Kids are smart, kids know that u and ur parents have friction and the enemy of my enemy is my friend and so on ... you'll figure it out :)

Yeah... unfortunately for me she's clever enough to figure that out.

That's one issue which confuses me. She's somewhat way too clever for me.

I mean I'm not illiterate or anything, I got a doctorate degree in law ffsake... but she's got that something else which is better, that something which wasn't given to me by my genes at birth - she's got the cunning that no amount of schooling/education can give. She's got that type of self-confidence which I never had and envy for never for never having. At age 3 I used to take her to the playground.... instead of sticking around under my skirt begging me she'd just go to some group of 10 year-olds and ask them to "let her in". Obviously they'd let her, feeling heroic for allowing a e 3-year old to join their games....

She's even lied to my mum without her even knowing. This past week she spent it all with my mum. Teacher told us she had missing homework this same week. Mum jumped up like a jack-o-the-box saying it can't be true because she checked everything making sure all homework was done and I believe her. There's a mystery where the homework of this 7 year old went.... perhaps she just erased out her diary?

She gives me the shudders. Certain words come out of her mouth which I would expect out of septagenarian not out of a kid I birthed myself 7 years ago... She scares the sh... (poop) out of me so often that she doesn't scare me any more but often I just feel like I'm an inferior being. It's like she's more of an adult than I am (except when she tantrums to buy a NintendoDS)

Many times my own mum and dad tell me that she's clever but in a weird way... we got a saying in our Maltese language to the effect that someone (normally an adult) can throw an idea into a clothes pocket and then extract the same idea from another clothes-pocket of the same person without the original wearer of the clothes noticing anything about such transfer at all.

That's what she does even with my own parents. It sounds complicated but that's what she does. She works out stuff, to her own advantage, so she appears as the innocent party always. She does that with my foster brother who lives with my parents, she keeps doing stuff to try to picture him as the 'baddie' even though he's disadvantaged being 15 and having her same mental age considering all his own personal problems being ADHD and dyslexic and having an IQ of an 8 year old, she manages to trick him and my patents so they see him as at fault to her whims...

[btarunr]

She's too young to 'take sides'. Kids under 10 who live with/near their grandparents are naturally close(er) to them. Give it some time. It is more likely that she didn't even know how to react to your crying. Maybe she sees other (kids) cry at her school daily.

[Steevo]

I did the same, worked out ways to be on top. If you are aware take a little extra time to keep showing that you know what she is doing, and show her, and beat her at the game, and then tell her if she continues such a course whe will end up in more trouble than not.

My mother would work out what I was doing sometimes and end up in front of my plans an change them a bit. It showed me that there is always someone that does it a bit better, and instead focusing my time on just doing things right was much easier.

For example, she decides to hide some of her schoolwork, then grab it on the way to school, grandma sees her doing her work, just not all of it. She gets to watch cartoons and makes the parents/granma think the teacher is a ass. She wins as then you sympathise with her, and are more unbelieveing about what the teacher says.

So step in front of her by calling the teacher right as school gets out, requesting what all she has to do for homework, and giving that to grandma, and when she hides her school work and grandma checks it, have her ask specificly if this is all. When she says yes, then allow her to continue as if nothign is wrong or different.


Now you know two tings she needs punished for, lieing, and not doig her homework. Sounds like she needs grounded from EVERYTHING for a month if it has been going on for awhile. Wait untill the next day and go in to class with her, embarass her in front of the teacher and her school mates about lieing, and announce her punishment there too. It will show her that you are aware of her games and have grown tired of it, it shows her you are the boss, in charge and have stasndards, it shows her that you are hard and uncaring about her little pity party bullshit.

She will hate you for it right off, and respect you for it later. Then tell the teacher to please send a signed note home with all her homework assignments listed on it for you to check off, as she doesn't seem to be able to act maturely. Hold her to the punishment you line out for her. Be strict about it. When she does good give a small treat, but be strict about that, explain that if it doesn't continue to go good, you will doulbe the punishment, and she will get nothing.


Having children is all about them growing as a person,a dn understanding there are standards, and rules, breaking or not following them is grounds for punishment, and it will be doled out at the time of your choosing, and it will be hard. Following and understandign the rules is grounds for a happy life, enjoyment and love. It is simply their choice was to what they will do, do not feel bad as they will break the rules, just make sure the punishment is one that will discourage them from doing it alot. No skin of my ass for your mistake, tkae your punishment and don't whine at me about it.

[Black Panther]

Steevo you really seem to synchronise with my kid's thoughts...

I'll never forget the look on my mum's face when nothwithstanding all the previous praises, the teacher told her that my kid went to school with missing homework just as well as when she spent her days and nights with us.

I tried to reason it out with my mum, told her perhaps since daughter still used only pencils (erasable) perhaps she erased stuff from her diary hence keeping her in the dark re homework she wasn't that eager to do...

She already tricked me big time last year:
I went to her school asking for the list of school books so I buy them. I was worrying since school was due to start and I got nothing in the post!
Reply was that the list had been in her bag all along together with her school report.. AND it had been there since end of last scholastic year!!!


I panic... shit when I cleaned out her bag and all there was no list of school books and no school report. When I learnt of this I checked and checked... bags and cupboards with old schoolbooks and found nothing.

I spoke about this to the headmistress of the school, who I am sure understands me since she's family (she's sister to husband's mum)...........
Yet even she, the headmistress was perplexed.
All reports were sent with the students July 2008.... those which werent' collected were still there at school waiting pick-up.

Only mine was nowhere to be found. Nowhere at all.
It's still unfound to this date.

Obvious 'dirty' play is obvious here...
She was only 6 when she did this hiding of the report but just the same... And by heaven and hell it hurts me that a 6 year old does these tricks... She's 7 now and she was 6 last year when all this stuff occured.... heck she's supposed to be way too young to do such stuff?

[MRCL]

Its is likely that she indeed is very mature for her age, yet doesn't really know how to handle that maturity. Or doesn't know that she has that level. This can be delicate if handled wrong. Maybe show her that you acknowledge her obvious intelligence, treat her not as a lil kid but as if she was grown up more. Even talk to her if she wants to be treated like a more adult person. I always felt good as a kid when adults did not talk to me as if I was still wearing diapers.

What do you guys think about that theory? This is how I would interpret it, however I don't have kids so these are only hypotheses.

[Steevo]

She seeks punishment and attention from you.


Without first understanding that we all have a niche we are made for, evolved into , or fell into we will never understand what and who we are.


The current Time magazine finds that women today are workign more, gaining the equality to men they seem to seek, and most importantly are more unhappy than ever. despite what feminists say, think, and want to believe women are different than men, and will never be a man, just as men are different, and children are confused about who and what they are untill they hit their early 20's and find themselves and even then they change. Some never change or understand themselves and go through life wondering why shit goes wrong for them consistently. Don't be that person, understand yourself, accept who and what you are even if it isn't what you wanted, and if you must change understand that you will probably fail.

So that aside, you daughter has probably mimiced this behaviour from someone, you, your hubby/significant other, grandma, grandpa, teacher, TV, etc.... So the first thing is to stop her from seeing only the positive side to the attitude, and introduce her to the negative side. In short, make it rain shit on her parade every time she starts to act this way, and allow her to understand that you are not going to allow it and it doesn't hurt your feelings either way. But it sure is happier when she cooperates.



I tell the lackeys I have at work.


__________________________________________________ _________________

























^ There is the bar, I set it and if you don't like it, can't reach it or want to try and pull it down. Fuck you. It is not being pulled down to your comfort level, and every time you reach it, I will raise it higher, if you fail and continue I will fire you.

Then I just do it.

[Solaris17]

well i was going to write a shit ton...but steevo has what i was going to say down..im glad your feeling better and remember BP in the end if you think this is bad wait till she is a teen. girls are much much harder to raise than boys.

[jmcslob]

I don't think she means to do it, but your mum is likely the cause...
I had a very similar *stuff* happen..
i have my Ten year Daughter limited to 1 day every other weekend at her grandmothers house..And that *stuff* stopped in a hurry







*()*(poop)

[General__Cohen*****]

It's OK everybody here loves you. ;) I AM MINTERATOR(r)(nutlick)(toast)(nutkick):mad: