Talk me out of a bad decision.

[Ozzmanfloyd120]

So, there's this girl that I dated in high school who really changed my life. (Think of a typical sappy movie cliche where the fat loser who would rather get drunk and party than do homework or show up for school, then meets the girl of his dreams, drops 100 lbs, quits substance abuse, and becomes an honor student under her guidance... that's me.)
Well anyway, she got scared and left me at the end of my Senior year, and I'm 23 now. No matter how many other girls I meet and date none seem to fill the void she left and after I break up with the current girls I end up going back and dwelling on her.
About every six months or so we end up talking a little and it always results in nothing, but recently I've been scheming big. I've got my hands on Red Wings/Blackhawks tickets and I plan on taking her, the only problem is that I have no idea whether or not she'll even go... and if she does that requires me driving from Detroit to Traverse City (where we grew up) or potentially even from Detroit to Sault Ste Marie, and back just to pick her up and bring her to the game, then the trip back to take her home.
Every rational part of my head keeps saying that this is a terrible idea and that I shouldn't do it, but the part of me that still loves her and wants to be with her is like "THIS WILL GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH!"
Somebody please tell me which side is right and talk me out of this if it really is a bad idea.

[MRCL]

If yo think you can start a relationship again off a basis of occasional chatting, then I say do not do it. Seriously, for so much time and hassle, you need more security in regard what she thinks of you.

I've done a similar thing, taking an ex to a concert... had to make a huge detour, and it ended up like it was before that trip. Much talking (because you are forced to talk in a car), but that was it. Its not a good idea. Really.

[Black Panther]

Personally, I'd just consider your relationship as something 'past' and move on.

For several reasons...

1) You say she changed your life. But did you change hers? Ie can she say you were important to her? (I'm not saying you were somewhat at fault here, this type of stuff is coincidental romance...)
2) You say 'she got scared'.... Of what?
3) You dated afterwards - only after breaking up you realise 'the void' and start dwelling on her --- could it be you still haven't found the 'right one'?
4) Is there any chance that she's still thinking about you and your relationship the same way as you're thinking about her?

That's why I think it's a bad idea - I see a high chance of rejection, and that will hurt you a lot, even if for the sake of knowing that now you're a much better person than you were when you first started dating and hence can find no reason why she accepted you then but rejected you now.

Another reason is that girls normally 'move on' - you might be 'nice' enough but she's "been there" and she might be keen to explore new pastures.

Well I try to show you the probablities but not knowing neither you nor her is a bit difficult, so I can just generalize on how girls regard dating in general.... :/

[mlee49]

Life takes courage to live. If you like her, take muster up the courage to ask her to do this. Of course explain it all to her, probably best to let her know how you'll accommodate her and not leave her with the feeling your taking her out of town to exact revenge.

There's no point living a boring life wondering if things would ever work out or not. It doesnt sound like you guys are completely ignoring the fact that you two can have a relationship(weather intimate or just friends). So ask her out cause you like her and lay it out for her that if things arnt like that then you still want to be friends cause she's an awesome enough girl.

[Wile E]

I agree with the others. I think it's a bad idea. I had a very similar girl friend in the past, that hlped me thru a lot of bad times in my life, and got me straightened out. She went away to college, so we had to break up.

I dated girls here and there, and none quite matched up.

I dwelled on her for years, as "the one that got away", often making silly excuses to drive 2 1/2 hours to see her, or go to a concert with her or any other similar event. Things never resparked between us, and she met another guy. I was crushed.

Then, perhaps a year later, I ran into my current fiancee. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. All that dwelling I did on the first girl, and all those pointless relationships in between were all now just a distant memory. I have absolutely no feelings for that girl anymore.

I came to realize, that yeah, she was a great girlfriend, and what happened to be the first person I truly loved, but that was just it. She was my first true love, not my lifelong love.

[Ozzmanfloyd120]

2) You say 'she got scared'.... Of what?
3) You dated afterwards - only after breaking up you realise 'the void' and start dwelling on her --- could it be you still haven't found the 'right one'?
4) Is there any chance that she's still thinking about you and your relationship the same way as you're thinking about her?
2: Well, I found out from her best friend that she was molested, apparently her best friend is the only person she'd ever told. I told her mom because I thought her mom could get her help (which explained a lot of things when we were intimate) Her mom, instead of getting help for her, turned me into the bad guy and forced her daughter to confront me.
3: I usually end up dumping them because it doesn't feel right or I end up riding out the relationship until they get bored. I care about these other girls and all, but I feel like I'm just wasting time dating them.
4: I'm not real sure, when we do talk in person it feels like nothing's changed, she'll open up to me about her problems and start to lean on me emotionally and all that jazz... then there's stuff like on MS or FB(Yes, it's retarded I know) where I'll post a blog or a note about a bad day and make it funny and she'll start asking questions that I know she already knows the answers to, which I think is her way of trying to keep close to me while still keeping distance. (if that makes sense to anyone else)
Then she'll go and send me something like an email saying how she found a "warm fuzzy" from way back when and that she's angry at herself for how things ended, how I'm such a sweet guy and what not.
And then soon as things start to look good again, she'll put the wall back up... so I don't know.

There's no point living a boring life wondering if things would ever work out or not. It doesnt sound like you guys are completely ignoring the fact that you two can have a relationship(weather intimate or just friends). So ask her out cause you like her and lay it out for her that if things arnt like that then you still want to be friends cause she's an awesome enough girl.
See, that's the thing, even if I can't have a relationship with her I'd still like to be friends and not play this testing out the water but being afraid to jump in game.

[momentomoir]

i say go as friends then see where that goes maybe being awhile in a car and talking will bring some realizations up.
but dont count on anything these things take time and her mom seems like a bitch she should have gotten her help but she sees u as the bad guy since u were having sex with her and you're taking her lil girl away

but no one can tell you what the right choice is theres never a wrong or right choice when it comes to things like this if its love you have to take the chance

[WhiteLotus]

Talk you out of it...

Hell do it. Then put it down as the worst thing you've ever done.

[mlee49]

I'm really surprised no one has suggested "Do A Barrel Roll"

[momentomoir]

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/382/original/a_barrel_roll.png

[Ozzmanfloyd120]

Eh, I decided to go for it. I had a Plan B to take a girl I work with, but she walked out today. Since I'm already stuck with the tickets I might as well try, right?

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

No

[momentomoir]

yes

[Steevo]

I vote for the barrel roll. Or a dinner roll if you are short of barrels.


Move on, its over.

[jmcslob]

I say go for it.....
So that way you will understand why these other people said to WALK AWAY....
and you will have peace of mind...




















and a crushed ego....

[Solaris17]

Star Fox would take her to the game dont puss out. go for it. no one on the internet is going to change what you want to do. im going to go with your gut here.

epic girl meet up ozzy go go go

[T3hPwn3r3r]

So, there's this girl that I dated in high school who really changed my life. (Think of a typical sappy movie cliche where the fat loser who would rather get drunk and party than do homework or show up for school, then meets the girl of his dreams, drops 100 lbs, quits substance abuse, and becomes an honor student under her guidance... that's me.)
Well anyway, she got scared and left me at the end of my Senior year, and I'm 23 now. No matter how many other girls I meet and date none seem to fill the void she left and after I break up with the current girls I end up going back and dwelling on her.
About every six months or so we end up talking a little and it always results in nothing, but recently I've been scheming big. I've got my hands on Red Wings/Blackhawks tickets and I plan on taking her, the only problem is that I have no idea whether or not she'll even go... and if she does that requires me driving from Detroit to Traverse City (where we grew up) or potentially even from Detroit to Sault Ste Marie, and back just to pick her up and bring her to the game, then the trip back to take her home.
Every rational part of my head keeps saying that this is a terrible idea and that I shouldn't do it, but the part of me that still loves her and wants to be with her is like "THIS WILL GO OFF WITHOUT A HITCH!"
Somebody please tell me which side is right and talk me out of this if it really is a bad idea.
I'm currently driving from Lexington, KY to the D for a girl, however, if you've not secured it, try and get a little farther with her, and in the meantime, give me and my girl the tickets :P(ww)

[T3hPwn3r3r]

Also, where in the 313 do you reside, sir?

[Ozzmanfloyd120]

I'm actually a little north, Auburn Hills. Technically I'm the 248 :P

[T3hPwn3r3r]

Nice! Royal Oak/Redford/Westland are the parts I hit up most when I'm in town, spend about half of my time in the 248 :)

Auburn Hills is cool though, PISTONS ROCK!

[T3hPwn3r3r]

Also, we should get some Leo's sometime!

[Wile E]

Also, we should get some Leo's sometime!

Are you hitting on him now? (r)(u):D

[T3hPwn3r3r]

No, I just fucking LOVEEEE Leo's.

[T3hPwn3r3r]

http://www.leosconeyisland.com/portals/0/pdf/leos_menu_noprices.pdf

For those that have never been.

[RevengE]

do what your heart tells you......GOOD LUCK. the game of love is a long one my man.

[FreedomEclipse]

I was with a girl for 2 years before we split - we broke up for reasons I wont go into a lot of detail about but it wasnt because it wasnt working out or anything but long story short, there was some really really bad shit was going down in her family & she didnt feel she could keep on with our relationship because her emotions were all over the place.

I tried to be there for as much as i could but she just kept pushing me a way & retreating more & more within herself that eventually we stopped talking & seeing each other for 3 years. & in those 3 years I never once stopped thinking about her but I respected her decision & never looked back as I left.

Now I dont know about everyone else but I have issues with letting things go, usually driving me deep into a vicious circle of self hatred & depression.

For 3 long years I cried myself to sleep & never stopped thinking about her till the point where I booked myself in for counciling because with things going on within my own family - I couldnt handle myself & keep smiling as everything was turning to dust in my hands.

after 3 long years of being apart & just when I more or less acknowledged to myself that she wasnt coming back - she contacts me on FB & we got chatting again - Im obviously happy as shit she came back but my joy was very short lived as she slowly started ignoring me because she didnt want to end up falling for me again.....

& so the 2nd vicious cycle began & this time it hurt a lot more then the first time also due to the fact that already I wasnt that strong mentally with what was still happening within my family.

but the Initial plan was (if she chose to keep talking with me) was that I would transfer to her area when job vacancies came up at her local branch & we could be together again...but obviously that plan went to shit...

however the plan is still valid even though shes not part of it anymore - I can still transfer when i get the chance....but Im not too sure if I should go....It could be something that I'l just say im doing it for the lols & try to laugh off the pain.

--------

to answer your question - follow your heart but dont be disapointed when doors close in your face. gear up & move on.

[Deusxmachina]

So, there's this girl that I dated in high school who really changed my life.

Well anyway, she got scared and left me at the end of my Senior year, and I'm 23 now. No matter how many other girls I meet and date none seem to fill the void she left and after I break up with the current girls I end up going back and dwelling on her.

About every six months or so we end up talking a little and it always results in nothing, but recently I've been scheming big.

If you like her that much, man up and take your shot. No need to "scheme" with big concert tickets where you probably can't hear each other talk anyway. On the flipside, riding in a car together for eight hours might be a good way to get to know someone, but it's not necessarily a good way to impress someone you're not already comfortable with in a situation like that.

If you can't get her to open up online or on the phone, then you either need to step it up and better let her know what your true intentions are, or, if you're not so good at the online/phone stuff, I guess seeing her in-person maybe with the concert tickets thing is your best shot via the gimmick route. (Might be better just to meet her for lunch or Christmas shopping or whatever that isn't as "formal" and time-consuming as going to a concert in a different city.)

No need to drive eight hours if she's not putting any effort into even talking on the phone.

Hell, next time you talk to her, bring up how good you two were together (only mention the good times, of course), and tell her you've been thinking about her and how you like talking to her and that you two should talk more. If she's into that little nudge, it shouldn't take too long to get to the seeing each other in-person part. And if she's not into you that way at this time, you at least planted the seed and now she knows where you stand.

Does she know how you currently feel? If not, that's your fault. You make your intentions known and let the chips fall where they may. If she wants to then miss out on A Good Thing (you), then that's on her. You did your part. Jazz it up a bit instead of just proclaiming your undying love for her, of course, but if you're just playing Mr. Nice Friend Guy while you secretly love her, dude, no.

If it comes down to you getting tired of the round-and-round and just be blunt and tell her how you feel and what you want point-blank, then what more can you do? If she wants you after that, she'll know where to find you. Meanwhile, you get to stop chasing ghosts and go on with your life with a clear conscience.

At least ONE of you needs to man up and move the relationship forward, and it's apparently not going to be her.

Let's say she's really no longer into you no matter what. Well, you can then put that "what could have been" out of your mind knowing you at least took your shot and have no regrets. Regrets suck. If you crash and burn, so what? What are you going to do, be upset with yourself for being a man and taking charge and going after what you want? And what's she going to do, make fun of you for liking her?

And if you think being more forward might be "too forward," ask yourself how many more six-month spans you plan on waiting and agonizing over before someone else snaps her up because you apparently didn't like her enough to actually let her know it.

[yogurt_21]

burn bridges, find new conquests, and leave the past where it resides.

I chased a girl for a year back in college and now that I look back she wasn't worth a damn minute compared to my wife. When you have't moved on you have that nagging feeling that you missed an oppertunity when in reality you're missing one by chasing an old dream. If I had not chased that girl for that year I would have met my wife a year sooner and had that whole year to enjoy with her rather than wasted chasing something that wasn't even worth it.

[Ozzmanfloyd120]

I asked her on Saturday and after a little discussion I got "I'll think about it because it will be really awkward if it's just the two of us."
Then last night she started asking me about dates and money again, so I think things are looking really good.

[Deusxmachina]

I asked her on Saturday and after a little discussion I got "I'll think about it because it will be really awkward if it's just the two of us."
Then last night she started asking me about dates and money again, so I think things are looking really good.

I already said driving that far for a concert after that long of a layoff between you two would probably not be the most... comfortable... of situations, but if any of it helped get her on the right track that "hey, you're right here and you're interested in her, so grab a good thing while you can, woman," then great. One of you had to get off the kiddy ride and make a move, so good job.