My brother masturbates during the night, and we share bunk beds. What do I do?

[AthlonX2]

I sleep on the top bunk, he sleeps on the bottom. During the night, I hear the sound of his bunk squeaking (our beds are metallic), and the distinct "fap fap fap" sound of jacking off. If I dont have the luxury of already being asleep while he jacks off, I have to lay there, in total agony, knowing full well what he is doing. Then, when he is done (I presume) he walks to our bathroom and washes his hands.

Many times I have tried to confront him, but either I just dont know what to say, or that I think it will ruin our bond as brothers. So I ask, what is the best way to tackle this problem?

[MRCL]

I was about to say: Pin a poster of a bodybuilder under your top bed, and ssee if it continues, but then it dawned on me that its night and he won't be seeing it anyway.

So I say tell him directly to stop wanking while you are present. I'm sure he'll understand. How old is he anyway?

[Cuzza]

I say start doing the same at the same time he is. See if it weirds him out.

[DanTheBanjoman]

Make a photo, put on the net.

[Solaris17]

LOL peek down and tell him "rub her off one for me"

[sheps999]

LOL peek down and tell him "rub her off one for me"

Seconded

[FreedomEclipse]

LOL peek down and tell him "rub her off one for me"

Seconded

3rded

[DaMulta]

4th but charge people $$$$ for total win

[Xazax]

Consider yourself lucky lol i have to hear my brother whom is in the room next to me have sex with his GF at night :/ few nights a week try sleeping through THAT crap knowning your brother is getting sum yuck

[momentomoir]

hahhahaha this thread is amusing

i say if you and your mom have a celll phone text your mom to come in to your room your hearing weird noises and your mom will come and your bro will be humiliated
and then get your camera ready to take a pic of the humiliation and print the pic out and stick the pic of it above his bed and around school if you really wanna be mean

[Frick]

Turn it into a competition: As soon as he starts, you go to. If you finish first do a neat dance for him while yelling "dude you suck balls!".

[erocker]

Why did you buy your own house to sleep with your brother in a bunk bed? I guess that's the way it is in some parts of Kentucky eh?

[DaMulta]

Consider yourself lucky lol i have to hear my brother whom is in the room next to me have sex with his GF at night :/ few nights a week try sleeping through THAT crap knowning your brother is getting sum yuck

you could always ask to share her(toast)

[MRCL]

Consider yourself lucky lol i have to hear my brother whom is in the room next to me have sex with his GF at night :/ few nights a week try sleeping through THAT crap knowning your brother is getting sum yuck

Be glad he isn't screqing a chinese chick. I lived next to one in a hotel once, if she had her boyfriend over, I first thought he threw her in boiling water or something, she screemed of the top of her lungs man.

[jmcslob]

Why did you buy your own house to sleep with your brother in a bunk bed? I guess that's the way it is in some parts of Kentucky eh?
I don't know if that's the situation but if it is, do tell, enquiring minds want to Know

[SK-1]

Well, you have two thirds of a circle jerk. Invite a neighbor for the holidays.

[Magibeg]

Well, you have two thirds of a circle jerk. Invite a neighbor for the holidays.

Was that a volunteer ;)

j/k j/k

[CyberDruid]

hahhahaha this thread is amusing

i say if you and your mom have a celll phone text your mom to come in to your room your hearing weird noises and your mom will come and your bro will be humiliated
and then get your camera ready to take a pic of the humiliation and print the pic out and stick the pic of it above his bed and around school if you really wanna be mean

Wow you are like a "mean" expert.(nutlick)

http://img687.imageshack.us/img687/9483/0433425.jpg (http://img687.imageshack.us/i/0433425.jpg/)

But srsly just approach him and say it's weirding you out please stop.

[Black Panther]

I hear the sound of his bunk squeaking (our beds are metallic), and the distinct "fap fap fap" sound...

If the problem's only because you hear him, try ear-plugs.
Obviously won't work if you also feel his movement...

[erocker]

So I ask, what is the best way to tackle this problem?

It's probablly not a good idea to tackle any dude while they are jerking off.

[jmcslob]

Go to your Local Walmart...
Buy a cheap Magazine Rack
Buy a few Issues of Playboy,Hustler,Swank and Barely Legal......

Place In Bathroom.......

It may just stop after that....(toast)

[Black Panther]

It's probablly not a good idea to tackle any dude while they are jerking off.

ie don't tackle it yourself.
Try to make some plan so your mom comes into the room... at the right time...

EDIT: OH (nutkick) @ me for posting this in a hurry - momentomoir came up with the mom idea before - you should try it... I'm sure it'll work, at least he'll attempt to relieve himself in a more private place than your bedroom next time!

[Deusxmachina]

hahhahaha this thread is amusing

i say if you and your mom have a celll phone text your mom to come in to your room your hearing weird noises and your mom will come and your bro will be humiliated
and then get your camera ready to take a pic of the humiliation and print the pic out and stick the pic of it above his bed and around school if you really wanna be mean

Wow, that would be grounds for being disowned as a sibling right there.

Assuming this is a serious question, simply ask him point-blank if he can stick to doing it when you're not around. Shouldn't be too hard to accommodate. "Hey, I'm going in the living room to watch a TV show. I'll be back in 30 minutes. Ya hear me? 30 minutes. You will be alone in this room for 30 minutes. Ok, I'm going now... here I go... 30 minutes...."

[jmcslob]

wow, that would be grounds for being disowned as a sibling right there.

Assuming this is a serious question, simply ask him point-blank if he can stick to doing it when you're not around. Shouldn't be too hard to accommodate. "hey, i'm going in the living room to watch a tv show. I'll be back in 30 minutes. Ya hear me? 30 minutes. You will be alone in this room for 30 minutes. Ok, i'm going now... Here i go... 30 minutes...."+1 lol

[momentomoir]

Wow you are like a "mean" expert.(nutlick)



But srsly just approach him and say it's weirding you out please stop.
not mean at all:rolleyes:
i just thought of the worst humiliation possible


Wow, that would be grounds for being disowned as a sibling right there.

Assuming this is a serious question, simply ask him point-blank if he can stick to doing it when you're not around. Shouldn't be too hard to accommodate. "Hey, I'm going in the living room to watch a TV show. I'll be back in 30 minutes. Ya hear me? 30 minutes. You will be alone in this room for 30 minutes. Ok, I'm going now... here I go... 30 minutes...."

lol ya maybe i wouldnt know i dont have a brother i have a sister who disowned me. bc i moved out and other bull shit

[Black Panther]

Well, first of all you have to evaluate your type of relationship with your brother. Is he younger? Older? Do you share 'stuff'? Personal stuff?

It's one thing feeling disturbed due to not being able to sleep because of the noise, and another thing feeling disturbed due to the 'ugh' due to the thoughts of him wanking down below.

Here's what I'd do:

1) If I were the older bro, or if you have enough confidence with each other, I'd just confront him telling him plainly that he disturbs you doing his job at that time of the day when you're trying to fall asleep.

2) If you're the younger bro, I'd tell him that you can't fall asleep for the noise he makes while in bed (and not elaborate). Try to get him to believe that you're thinking the noise being that of tossing and turning in bed or something. He'll understand....

[FreedomEclipse]

Well, first of all you have to evaluate your type of relationship with your brother. Is he younger? Older? Do you share 'stuff'? Personal stuff?

It's one thing feeling disturbed due to not being able to sleep because of the noise, and another thing feeling disturbed due to the 'ugh' due to the thoughts of him wanking down below.

Here's what I'd do:

1) If I were the older bro, or if you have enough confidence with each other, I'd just confront him telling him plainly that he disturbs you doing his job at that time of the day when you're trying to fall asleep.

2) If you're the younger bro, I'd tell him that you can't fall asleep for the noise he makes while in bed (and not elaborate). Try to get him to believe that you're thinking the noise being that of tossing and turning in bed or something. He'll understand....

~OR~

you could just take the simple approach, drag him out of bed & beat him over the head with something heavy until he passes out. leave him on the floor, chuck a duvet over him & then head off to bed = job well done - everyone wins

that should keep him quiet for a while. & after the 2nd time you beat him around (pardon the pun) he should stop.

[btarunr]

Talk privately (when he's not jerking off), don't involve a 3rd person.

[LittleLizard]

wake up and go to the bathroom while he is doing that and ask him something like "you want a glass of water" or something and then at the glance of what is he doing, make him beg for you to not tell to her mom.

[Tatty_One]

Drug him, whilst he is asleep, surgically place razor blades into the palm of his hands..... job done (toast)

[yogurt_21]

wait until the next time, then tell him he's doing it wrong and insist on showing him the proper way. unless he's gay and incestuous that should work.

or... tell him to stop and get him a chick.

[WhiteNoise]

Or just ignore it. get ear plugs or something. I mean its pretty normal for a teen to do this. A bit strange that he's doing it while you are in bed above him...but anyway...its healthy and normal...maybe you should start wanking at the same time...you two can be wanking pals.

[Black Panther]

you two can be wanking pals.

I knew a guy like that some years ago, only they went a step further...
I remembered feeling a bit grossed out when he told me they used to wank each other... (u) Well perhaps it is a fun thing... meh?

[WhiteNoise]

Thats not normal for sure. lol

[yogurt_21]

I knew a guy like that some years ago, only they went a step further...
I remembered feeling a bit grossed out when he told me they used to wank each other... (u) Well perhaps it is a fun thing... meh?

or perhaps they were exploring and not ready for more?

definetly not normal, gusy arent supposed to even talk in the bathroom.

[DanTheBanjoman]

definetly not normal, gusy arent supposed to even talk in the bathroom.

I have endless conversations with people when taking a leak.

[Black Panther]

I have endless conversations with people when taking a leak.

King-size bladder?

[yogurt_21]

I have endless conversations with people when taking a leak.

why must you mess with the social order? now the nightmares are back!

[Papahyooie]

Ever watch Zack and miri make a porno? The cure for wanking each other (and its implications) is the double dutch rudder.



*disclaimer* i have never, and do not ever plan on performing a double dutch rudder. this post is for humorous value only.

[erocker]

King-size bladder?

I find it hard to pee when some dude is standing next to me trying to have a conversation. I usually end up pretending to pee, pretend to shake the excess urine off my penis, zip up and quickly exit as fast as I can!

[SK-1]

I find it hard to pee when some dude is standing next to me trying to have a conversation. I usually end up pretending to pee, pretend to shake the excess urine off my penis, zip up and quickly exit as fast as I can!

The human psyche never ceases to amaze me. I for instance, can be found at the other end of the spectrum.
My bodily fluids tent to flow more freely with casual conversation. If I'm very agitated, I can cut the urinal mint in half with my frothy rope of gold.

[yogurt_21]

yeah i'm with erocker on this one, no talking, no looking around, no diverting from predefined paths.

[Bishop7]

Tell him to cut that gay shit out and go to the bathroom.
wtf?
Seriously that's just fucked up dude.

[CDdude56]

I find it hard to pee when some dude is standing next to me trying to have a conversation. I usually end up pretending to pee, pretend to shake the excess urine off my penis, zip up and quickly exit as fast as I can!

That's why i try and find a stall some ways down from his. It will generally work.

[Black Panther]

double dutch rudder.


Oh, you made me google that to see what it means!:o

I'm curious to know whether the OP managed to solve his problem, and how.

[mlee49]

I find it hard to pee when some dude is standing next to me trying to have a conversation. I usually end up pretending to pee, pretend to shake the excess urine off my penis, zip up and quickly exit as fast as I can!

eeeeeewww! You dont wash your hands?! :p


Oh, you made me google that to see what it means!:o

I'm curious to know whether the OP managed to solve his problem, and how.

Definately not googling that. Learned my lesson after Goatse. OH god, what was seen cannot be unseen.

[lilkiduno]

I read the whole post, and to be quite honest, talk to him face to face, tell him to whack off in the bathroom, that your sick and tired of hearing him beat off... then simply tell him you hide him a porno in the bathroom so he has "whacking off material"

[warup89]

oooooh man i went trough the same thing, youo gotta kill it before it gets worse. One day i prepared myself and grabbed the TV's remote control and waited until my brother started his "ritual" and all i did was turn on the TV to WWE RAW and then i just said "Stop it!".

-problem solved.

[Papahyooie]

find the double dutch rudder clip from zack and miri make a porno on youtube or something. The guy from jay and silent bob will explain it.

[DreamSeller]

troll !!! >:P

[DanTheBanjoman]

King-size bladder?
King-size thirst.

why must you mess with the social order? now the nightmares are back!

I'm into real-life God games, some creation here, some destruction there. It's fun.

[Papahyooie]

troll !!! >:P


if youre referring to me, read the rest of the thread.

[erocker]

Lol, can a troll even exist in this kind of thread?

If you really want to get at someone with a chronic masturbation problem. Put sand into their vaseline/lotion.

[Steevo]

I like to fart while I pee. It is just relaxing.


Talking to others is OK in certain situations, but at like a game or something I'm in and out. Talking while dropping the duce is a no.


I do prefer not to use the mile long hang out stations, my johnson is my business and not the guys next to me. However in needy situations I have pissed in a sink or three or more. I guess need dictates demand.


Lol, can a troll even exist in this kind of thread?

If you really want to get at someone with a chronic masturbation problem. Put sand into their vaseline/lotion.



Or some icy hot, or dust some hot pepper powder on the bottle.



Of all the things I have learned about sex the best advice I can give is to have her spit out the gum before she starts down there. Peanut butter doesn't take it off, then it just gets worse, ice makes the problem worse. Nothign good came of it.

[RevengE]

Simple Tell him to stop waxing his dolphin when you are sleeping below him.

[dr emulator (madmax)]

eww what happens to all the sticky handkerchiefs do they land on your head:eek:

just get a fly swatter and when he starts slap his sausage with it:D

[yogurt_21]

aha I got it, put a pick of david hasslehoff during the baywatch years above his bed, if that doens't take care of the issue, well then your brothers gay and you need to move out.

[[I.R.A]_FBi]

replace lotion with apricot scrub :)