Joke

[theJesus]

Originally Posted by razaron

Yes.

Well, there we have it. Sorry Bald Eagle. :/

[de.das.dude]

Originally Posted by Bald Eagle

OK you guys, I see that international jokes are impossible. I tried, but failed. There has been no international comedian in history. The reason is that jokes are "national". It is not good enough to be conversant with the English language, you have to be indigenous British to understand British humour.

The same with all other nationalities. American humour to a Brit is utter crap, I get the same impressions as you have stated trying to understand that shit. Bob Hope - big hit in America many years ago, was a useless wanker over here. He could never have made a Hyena laugh.

Let me tell you all, because I know that not one of you are indigenous British, your comments prove that, every one of those jokes are top rank archive stock in Britain and EVERYBODY understands them, even a trained parrot.

To say you do not understand them, is a revelation of your ignorance. Not to understand the first joke about the police officer, is an unbelievable situation.

Anyway - NO MORE JOKES HERE FROM ME. I can get more laughs from a brick wall.

This Jokes section is out for me, I only tried to give you all a laugh and am damned if I am going to be insulted for it.

Post any replies you like, I will not read them. Stuff your Jokes thread. And I know that some of you use foul language in your posts, well be my guest, I have eaten better things than any of you can hit me with for breakfast. Got medals for it.

charlie chaplin.

[WhiteLotus]

Originally Posted by theJesus

You've had people from India, Australia, Malta, and the US all express that they've had trouble with your jokes. If one of our other members from the UK comments that they find humor in the jokes, then I'll accept that it's just a British thing.

I do not.

[Black Panther]

Originally Posted by Bald Eagle

Anyway - NO MORE JOKES HERE FROM ME. I can get more laughs from a brick wall.

This Jokes section is out for me, I only tried to give you all a laugh and am damned if I am going to be insulted for it.

Post any replies you like, I will not read them. Stuff your Jokes thread. And I know that some of you use foul language in your posts, well be my guest, I have eaten better things than any of you can hit me with for breakfast. Got medals for it.

Poor Bald Eagle...



Seriously though, Bald Eagle, here we kid around a lot. Perhaps we weren't kidding when saying that we didn't find your jokes funny, but no one was trying to insult you really. Please don't take it that way.




_________________________________________

A proper English Gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:-

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250.00 with the following note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.

[SK-1]

What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse? A circus is a
cunning array of stunts.

[yogurt_21]

Originally Posted by SK-1

What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse? A circus is a
cunning array of stunts.

and a whore house is a stunning array of cunts...

[de.das.dude]

ba dum tiss

[Black Panther]

Wife says to her husband "You wanna change positions tonight?"

He says "Yeah!!"

She says "OK you do the ironing and the dishes, while I sit on the couch, watch TV, drink beer and fart."

[HossHuge]

[Black Panther]

Little boy has diarrhea & tells his mom he needs Viagra. Mom replies What the hell for? Boy replies Isn't that what you give dad when his shit wont get hard?

[SaiZo]

There is a guy here in sweden, not the brightest, and absolutely not the smartest.. This is a true story. And it happened last week.

He was on a dating site and started to chat with a woman, who lived up north (Luleå), she said.
They exchanged mobile phone numbers, and he called her - she said she didn't have any money to fill her phone at the moment.

After about two days, she asked if he could send her some money, so she could book a train ticket from Luleå to where he lives. She said that the ticket would cost 800SEK (that would be about USD$122 or 93€uro's).

Now.. I have been there myself, and I know that the cheapest ticket can be around 500SEK.

Anyway.. A day flew by, she didn't have her phone on, he was waiting with his laptop for her to answer.. Until the day after, she called, and said that she needed more money for the ticket. So he sends an extra 700SEK.
He has now sent her a total of 1500SEK!

And now she stops answering...
Didn't he get it the first time?!

I thinks it's unbelivable he even knows how to breath.